cheJake

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Self-discipline?

This is my first post since 2009. It's been a while. I felt like writing as a way to sort out things that have been on my mind. Writing to my old blog seemed more to my liking than to just writing to a word document or to the little spiral notebook I've started carrying around with me.

I feel at this moment rather displeased with myself and uncertain what to do about it. I chalk this up to my lack of planning and self-discipline. It so happens that at the moment I'm here with my 11-year-old son, Eldar, in the resort town of Fethiye, in SW Turkey. In five days time we will head to Budapest, Hungary, where we formerly lived. We'll be there for three weeks. Then we return to Fethiye. The whole summer has seen us jumping around from place to place in this part of Turkey, together and as smaller subunits of our family of three. We've experienced some interesting and beautiful places, to be sure. These included the Patika Yoga Center in the wooded cliffs above the Mediterranean in Faralya, an hour from here. I liked it a lot, a real eco-resort with a genuine emphasis on permaculture and healthy living. Other places we've/I've spent time at this summer have been nice for their natural beauty (Kabak, Butterfly Valley) and for their creative atmosphere (Sanat Art Camp in Kaya Koy), but Patika really came closest to my ideal. Rather few people, no smoking, great swimming, Yoga, vegetarian food, community, etc. I will tell the leader, Erol, that I really love his place and want to be more involved there once we're back. I actually wouldn't mind living there. The trouble is that we'd have to live out of a tent and that could be uncomfortable in the winter with the rain and cold. But if it were possible to rent the house next door where we stayed for some weeks this summer, perhaps that could work. Eldar would have to attend the tiny school up there, but he would get a different sort of education at Patika. I could help Erol build and repair the place in the winter months and Lucia could teach Yoga and do other things. I'll have to find out what Erol's plans are.

It's important for me to make best use of my time in Budapest. It's important for us all to. I need to set up meetings before we go and schedule my time for once we're there. Lucia will be disappointed that we're not to be staying at Sun Palace above from the World Class Fitness Club. She'll have to enroll somewhere else and make best use of her time. If it can be time well spent, then it won't be bad.

I fee it's important for me to use my time in a way that leaves me feeling satisfied and happy. I'm not certain what that is, because I haven't really been thinking much about Budapest lately.

In the art camp I started writing my book. This left me feeling satisfied and happy. Therefore, I need to give myself time to do this. It's a good project for me this year, having recently turned 44. If I wake up early enough, by 600h, meditate for an hour, then write 2-3 hours everyday before eating or practicing Yoga, that should be good. I could start tomorrow here in Fethiye. It could really give meaning to my life. Having a schedule and following it should give me structure and freedom. Sure, there are all sorts of other things that I think I might want to do, but writing this book is the one thing I am most certain of at this time. I still have the resources to make it happen, so I should do it. Excellent! I have a plan.

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